Dear Sand Man

Sand Man,

It’s February!! The holidays are well past over. You’ve cashed your bonus check, you’ve devoured your fruit basket, you’ve exhausted ‘quality time’ with your family; and, the egg nog is as stale as cliché family letters/stories sent alongside Christmas cards. Stop it! It’s time to get over it. You’ve gained six inches around your waist, and your allergic reaction to pine has finally fully subsided. That all means one thing: the holidays, they’re over! Kindly join the rest of the heard; get back to your desk, sit miserably within the confines of your cube's half walls and do your job!! Put me to bed, damn you! I’m tired!

Xo!
dk

(-) + (-) = (+) ...or, L < 3 V E

Well... I hate to laugh at this article (that highlights relationship red flags). I mean... I should take it quite seriously - especially since two of the three red flags truly hit home. Nevertheless, I can't help but see humor in its insight.

The second red flag (controlling behavior/jealousy/paranoia) is representative of most Middle Eastern men I know. The third red flag (under-functioning/under-responsibility) is representative of most Middle Eastern women I know (read: myself).


Red Flag #3 (i.e. Red Flag #ME!)
Under-functioners are...

1. "Often thoughtless, careless and reckless with their own property, personal health and safety as well as the property and well-being of others" - indeed, I am. Check.
   
2. "May expect to be waited on, catered to, picked up after and entertained" - indeed, I do. Absolutely! Check.
   
3. "They may expect their partners to plan all social outings, celebrations and vacations" - um... duh? Obviously yes! Absolutely - and, without question!!! Is this one a joke?!?! OF COURSE I DO!!! Check. Check. Check!

Well folks, here's the good news!! ... Somewhere along the discourse of my life's journey, I learned that two negatives indeed equal a positive!

That said, deductively and mathematically speaking (of course), I'm forced to conclude the following: I am destine to great relationship success should I continue my behavior of dismissing obligatory responsibilities and engaging hostile relations with controlling, possessive men.

(Red Flag #2) + (Red Flag #3) = <3

Oh my! How fantastic! It is in fact truth: Fairy tales do come true!!

Mathematically speaking, of course.

Xo!
dk

p.s. Yes, this means I've decided to again engage racism in my dating style; and, date only Middle Eastern men. It's simply an issue of mathematics, my friends.

.com dating

Interesting.

The top three sites yielded by a Google search of "online dating" might insinuate that I'm an expert in the field.

PlentyOfFish.com:
If you're looking for cheap thrills, you've found them! However, if your search for seduction results in your abduction... well, don't be surprised! You've been warned! Sure, there are plenty of fish; but, I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up sleeping with the fishes (pun intended).

Tip: Proceed with severe caution. Carry a knife and mace under your keyboard.


eHarmony.com:
If you're interested in an online congregation featuring exclusive membership to singles looking to delude one another in to thinking the other is a successful, well-traveled, affluent, formally-educated, business-minded yet family-oriented, optimistic, free-spirited, cultured individual with an innate appreciation for the arts, cooking and dance and who also possesses a sharp wit and keen zest for life that is obviously displayed by their charitable weekend devotion to philanthropic efforts... and, who also just happens to love babies, puppies and long walks on the beach... well, hot damn! For the nominal fee of $39.95/month, you too can join these singles in their search for idealistic romance today!!!

Tip: save your money.


OKCupid.com:
An easy to navigate website with an overall less intense approach to communicating with others online. The website cohesively facilitates conversation with its clean layout, advanced search options and chat capabilities - amongst other innovative features. It's relatively that simple.

Tip: just remember... be realistic! There is no such thing as a Fantasy Land (well, off Disneyland property); proceed with the same caution you would at your local bar or gym; in fact, add extra precaution as you have no familiarity with these people offline. As cliché as it may be: you're better to be safe than sorry.


And, there you have it.
You. Are. Welcome.

Xo!
dk

7pm Deja Vu

7pm and wondering what has possessed me to confine myself, yet again... within four walls, a single door and not a single window; one lecturer at the forefront of the cubed confinement, the professor.

Formal education: Déjà vu. Shouldn’t I consider this all so very passé? It certainly is cliché. At least it’s seemingly provoking my knowledge of foreign language, très bien!

Semester’s dilemma: How will I justify this out-of-pocket expenditure on tuition - rather than travel?

Mered!

dk

Coffee weakness or weekness? TBD.

Monday: mid-morning coffee date and mid-day pedicure.

Tuesday: late-afternoon tea date and late-night coffee date.

Wednesday: mid-day coffee and late-night tea date.

Thursday: hookah breakfast and late-afternoon coffee.

Friday: morning phone date (while sipping coffee). Late-afternoon tea date.

Saturday: I gave up caffeine today (...again) and now I'm wondering what the Hell I'm supposed to do with my life.

Maybe it's just because I've never tried the food...?

The first time I viewed this ad was last night during an advertising seminar course (outside the context of any traditional SuperBowl environment); then, I was horrified. Disgusted even. Now... well, now I'm just entirely undecided.

I'm not entirely certain whether I'm horrified, disgusted, offended or just plain confused by this spot. One thing remains fairly apparent: the ad seems to fulfill the 'arrogant Americans' stereotype quite profoundly, no?

Thoughts?

dk

Valentine by Volume! Sell, sell, sell!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

May all your commercial expressions of emotion act as catalysts in the stimulation of our consumer-driven economy!

Bless the love of all those willing to express it by way of dollars and cents - and, even Visa check cards! Sincerely, a moment of silence: to thank all those love-struck citizens contributing to our country's economic invigoration.

Viva capitalism!

Xo!
dk

Break-up two point uh-oh.

Guilty.

I admit.

Guilty of breaking up with people via email... Or, text... Or, good old-fashioned simply falling off the planet.

What? It genuinely feels like the best approach: email. No, I'm not being felicitous. Honestly, I'm much better with words when written - rather than when spoken. I'm much more tactful and pleasant in a written forum. More gentle. More explanatory. Less horrible. I sincerely feel I'm doing the person justice. That's my distorted perspective, anyhow. Who knows. Maybe it's not the best idea. Especially after I read this questionably depressing article.

Maybe I am callus and horrid woman. Supposing so, I feel inclined to apologize to anyone who I have negatively affected: sincerely, I am sorry. But... then again, if you'd just read that last email or text or crumbled bar napkin I sent your way when we split, you'll likely find everything you need to know. Maybe. Likely. I think. But, if reading that doesn't help, here's more recommended reading: It's Called A Break Up Because It's Broken. You can steal a used copy off Amazon.com for less than it cost you to buy me my first drink. Cheers. Happy healing.

Xo!

dk

"Just friends?"

Being as flamboyantly flirtatious as I am, I tend to attract and maintain many male friends. The minute I start seriously dating someone, however, I preform a holocaust on my male contacts (no offense, boys). Is this normal... or, can heterosexual men and women truly be "just friends?"

"In a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Sapadin asked more than 150 professional men and women what they liked and disliked about their cross-sex friendships. Topping women's list of dislikes: sexual tension. Men, on the other hand, more frequently replied that sexual attraction was a prime reason for initiating a friendship, and that it could even deepen a friendship. Either way, 62 percent of all subjects reported that sexual tension was present in their cross-sex friendships." - Psychology Today

After reading the full article (found here), I've come to terms with what I already knew: I am simply much to flirty to engage a male-female friendship void of sexual tension. There you have it, I've answered my own question. At least it makes life fun in between relationships.

Xo!

dk

Today I experienced ‘swirly goodness.’

Today I experienced ‘swirly goodness.’

But, only because the coffee shop next door disappointed my expectation. I was hoping the coffee shop would be quiet – void of any potential human disturbances. It wasn’t. I had no choice but the one to my left: Pinkberry. So, not to any beat of my own drum, to my left I marched. Didn't think I'd like the place. I didn't, not really. But, this is somewhat cute in a superficial-commercial-advertising sort of way: you can send me Valentine's grams!

http://www.pinkberry.com/swirlygram

Opinions all my own!

Statement of purpose, I provided one; then, they let me in to graduate school.

... now, I've enrolled myself in an Opinion Writing course.

Professor's assignment: Create a blog - select a topic of your own interest.

My facebook status: "SITUATION: I'm required to maintain a blog for one of my courses. I'm to select the topic for said blog. PROBLEM: I am neither informed nor interested in any topic that strays from my own "ness." SOLUTION: I can't very well suggest a blog about my hair or nails, can I?"

I suppose I should somehow become more – how do they say, ‘informed.’ Perhaps develop a few opinions all my own. Points-of-view, if you will. In the meantime however, my blog, it’s about: ME! And, in my opinion, it’s a fine topic!