I attended a guest speaker panel titled, "So you've graduated, now what?"
Were they asking me the question?
If so, I'd have answered:
Interned at a large ad agency for a bit
Slaved away for three years at a boutique agency
Became Vice President of an industry organization
Traveled to Atlanta for an young leaders advertising conference
Picked up a useless year's experience in-house
Thought it all mattered
Quit
Traveled
Returned
Interviewed for jobs
Got cold feet
Retired my resume
Instead, solicited my 'looks'
Paired my 'looks' with my more marketable 'lack of shame'
Landed myself a job: promo model
(i.e. slangin' booze at bars in ridiculous get-ups)
Applied to grad school
Returned to corporate for six months
Toyed with the establishment of a ad trafficking department
Got accepted to grad school
Quit
Visited San Fransico
Expired a majority of my dignity to Vegas
Tried to regain peace in Palm Springs
Relapsed to Vegas shenanigans
4 years short of a decade later...
I'm attending grad school
What would I have done differently?
Maybe I'd have tanned a bit more.
And, traveled a lot more.
Perhaps, not dated a series of alcoholics post divorce.
I might have used my gym pass more often.
Potentially, I'd have eaten some vegetables.
Nope.
I wouldn't change a thing.
Not a damn thing.
But, my story, that's irrelevant.
They didn't ask me the question.
The question was posed at the panelists.
And, the panelists addressed the malleable minds in the room.
Eager little beavers, aren't they? Undergraduates.
I was too, then.
When I didn't know any better.
Off they go... in to 'the real world.'
Only it won't look a damn thing like MTV had promised.
(Is that show even on anymore? The Real World?)
In retrospect...
the panelist spent over an hour saying what could have been concisely stated,
"Good luck out there! Suck it up. Face your fears. You will get overworked. And you will be underpaid. Deal with it. Don't forget to start a LinkedIn account. Dress the part. And, most importantly, dilute your personality so severely that you may communicate with others in a robotic fashion - inviting your peers and management personnel to view and praise you, 'a true professional.' In other words, kids, fake it 'til you make it! Just remember: not a soul found in the 'real world' is 'real' - so, brand yourselves!! Cheers, may the best con artist win!!"
Am I being cynical? No.
Am I being sarcastic? No.
Am I being sincere? Always.
Good luck to all!
Sincerely.
Xo!
dk
Were they asking me the question?
If so, I'd have answered:
Interned at a large ad agency for a bit
Slaved away for three years at a boutique agency
Became Vice President of an industry organization
Traveled to Atlanta for an young leaders advertising conference
Picked up a useless year's experience in-house
Thought it all mattered
Quit
Traveled
Returned
Interviewed for jobs
Got cold feet
Retired my resume
Instead, solicited my 'looks'
Paired my 'looks' with my more marketable 'lack of shame'
Landed myself a job: promo model
(i.e. slangin' booze at bars in ridiculous get-ups)
Applied to grad school
Returned to corporate for six months
Toyed with the establishment of a ad trafficking department
Got accepted to grad school
Quit
Visited San Fransico
Expired a majority of my dignity to Vegas
Tried to regain peace in Palm Springs
Relapsed to Vegas shenanigans
4 years short of a decade later...
I'm attending grad school
What would I have done differently?
Maybe I'd have tanned a bit more.
And, traveled a lot more.
Perhaps, not dated a series of alcoholics post divorce.
I might have used my gym pass more often.
Potentially, I'd have eaten some vegetables.
Nope.
I wouldn't change a thing.
Not a damn thing.
But, my story, that's irrelevant.
They didn't ask me the question.
The question was posed at the panelists.
And, the panelists addressed the malleable minds in the room.
Eager little beavers, aren't they? Undergraduates.
I was too, then.
When I didn't know any better.
Off they go... in to 'the real world.'
Only it won't look a damn thing like MTV had promised.
(Is that show even on anymore? The Real World?)
In retrospect...
the panelist spent over an hour saying what could have been concisely stated,
"Good luck out there! Suck it up. Face your fears. You will get overworked. And you will be underpaid. Deal with it. Don't forget to start a LinkedIn account. Dress the part. And, most importantly, dilute your personality so severely that you may communicate with others in a robotic fashion - inviting your peers and management personnel to view and praise you, 'a true professional.' In other words, kids, fake it 'til you make it! Just remember: not a soul found in the 'real world' is 'real' - so, brand yourselves!! Cheers, may the best con artist win!!"
Am I being cynical? No.
Am I being sarcastic? No.
Am I being sincere? Always.
Good luck to all!
Sincerely.
Xo!
dk
you continue to inspire me to quit my job... oh, and the Real World is most definitely still on - more produced (and terrible) than ever.
ReplyDeleteI am conning the fuck outta the world baby, right to the bank. I will burn out, quit my job and become an artisanal dairy farmer and cheesemaker in a remote part of the US or world by 40, but I'm gonna get those 7 figures first! Cheers!
ReplyDeleteKrista: way to admit to watching subpar produced television - yes, quit your job and commence watching reality television! That's my advice!! I wish I were being facetious, I'm not.
ReplyDeleteJenn: oh, honey! I wouldn't dare underestimate you - NEVER! If there's any woman on a mission to collect all the testes corporate has to offer... hon, that's you! And, I fully support the venture!!!